Funny Google Searches

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Let me explain to you how our days usually start here in Roatán.

At about 5:30am, sunlight starts to peak through the curtains, it’s heat and brightness capable of waking me if I am in only a light slumber.  If that doesn’t do it, then at about 6am, the idiotic delightful tropical birds begin their obnoxious cheery songs for the day.  It is usually sometime between 6 and 7 that all four of our eyelids pop open and we complain are excited about starting our day so early.

But sometimes, I will manage to sleep through the heat and the birdsongs, only to be awoken by one last disturbance – Pete’s snorting laughter as he lays in bed with the laptop propped up on his crossed legs, going over the statistics from our blog the day before.

No, he’s not laughing at the inadequacy of our visitor stats (some days, anyways), but instead is loudly chuckling over the funny things that bring people to our blog via the search engines. And once I give in to wakefullness and peek over at to read with him, I can’t control my laughter either.

Seriously.  Who googles this shit?

Some of these are just too good not to share. And we always have a good time trying to figure out which blog post it was that brought them there.  Some of them are easy to determine, and others, we still haven’t figured out.


“Iguana vs. coconut”
P
retty sure this reader found the post about Pete eating coconut stewed iguana here on the island. But I really wonder where the “versus” comes in.  Like, who would win in a fight between an iguana and a coconut? Unless the iguana is some sort of machete-wielding-ninja type, then I think I’ll put my money on the defense system of the coconut.

Where in the hell are you going next Dalene and Pete?We got this search before we revealed our decision to go to Ireland when we leave Honduras. Ha ha, Google! Even you didn’t know about that yet!


Our photo essay on Newfoundland brought in some good traffic.  Perhaps we’ll try to work these key details into our next post however, as people seem to be curious about Where to buy Westfalia tires Newfoundland and Essays on if Newfoundland is a good place to love. I believe that our reference to icebergs in this post also brought along this little gem of a search: Iceberg lake micighan-worth see Why yes, this would be a “worth see” if it was at all possible for icebergs to be in Lake Michigan.

Not sure if the same person is responsible for both of the following searches, but if so, he/she is really on the fence about whether or not to hit the road with his/her mother: I want to travel with my Mom and I don’t want to travel with my Mom.” For the record, I had a wonderful experience when my Mom came to visit us here in Honduras.


Naked snow shovelers
Dude, I think you’ve found a new market for porn that may not exist.  UnFortunately, you won’t find it here.  But you will find our game of Would You Rather with Warren and Betsy, where we did talk about vacationing in winter-y Russia and scuba diving in our birthday suits.


Is it posible to have a vehicle spray painted and travel long distance dust roads immidiately
Good question. I’m guessing no. Especially along this road.


Corporate clubing, hot mamaz, everything new, my life
I’m not sure what to say about this. Guessing that dude had a hot night in a club where he met some ladies, and wants to see if his exciting new life made front page news somewhere?  Landed him on the wrong page, unless he was happy to find this guest post I did for the Smokin’ Hot Mamas Club.  This post also brought in people looking for: Honduras hot mamasand Hot mama 435 in california.

This one might be my favorite, and I’d like to know what this person was on when he/she googled it: Pictures of a bad chocolate chip and a scary cookie.  I hope that this picture is what you were looking for friend, but I also have a great recipe for chocolate chip cookies.

And then there are the list of searches that brought people to our site, but we have NO idea how or why:

  • “Bad shit that’s happened lately” Umm, we didn’t do it.
  • “I was robbed of my diamond Breitling in Mexico”Umm, we didn’t take it.
  • “Meaning of ‘way to go, guys'” Is the meaning of that phrase not clear?
  • “Show me a pic how to make a declaration of independence poster for kids” No clue.

Enjoy these? Then you’ll love Michael Hodson’s posts about the spam comments he receives.

 

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59 Comments

  1. So far our search strings have been pretty tame but I bet as we hit the road & write up some interesting stuff it will get fun & wacky. Iguana vs coconut got me thinking of a tropical Monty Python… Great post! 🙂

    1. We have some more good ones that we’ve held back and will release along the way. 🙂 I’m sure yours will start rolling in soon! People SURE are creative out there!

  2. Hahaha those are all hilarious!! I’ve seen some pretty funny ones on mine too.. Should start keeping track

    1. They just don’t stop either. We probably get one oddball search daily that we shake our heads at 😉

    1. Us too Michael! It certainly does make running a site more entertaining. It’s usually the first thing we look at for analytics and hope for some off the wall searches. We loved your post on humorous spam posts so no problem for the shout-out.

  3. Love it.

    I think all of us get some good ones. Anything having to do with hating/loving/quitting your job typically brings them to my site. Sometimes the context of what was googled is always funny.

    oh, and naked snow shovelers, that was me, sorry. Somehow it let to Pete’s Bio page. I am thoroughly disturbed now…

    1. It’s really funny how they end up on your site with what they are looking for. Sorry ’bout where the naked snow shoveling led you….

    1. i’m going to try search scary cookies and naked moms and see what comes up. If it’s our site we have done something seriously wrong with SEO, 😉

  4. My favourite is Naked Snow Shovelers. I don’t know why I didn’t think of searching for them earlier. I mean, who doesn’t need a naked snow shoveler:-)

    1. Ha! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it either (when we had a driveway to shovel that is…) Somebody is onto something here, I guess there is a market for it 😉

  5. These are hilarious. I get some funny ones, too. I should start reading them more often! Great idea for a post!

  6. Very funny! My favourite googler from the past week found me by typing in “dont stab darren” — I think I’m drawing the wrong kind of reader… 🙂

  7. My first visit here, looks like it’s going to take awhile for me to catch up. Still amazed at your selling everything and hitting the road! And to think I have been so smug about dropping everything in Canada and moving to Italy – but then I stopped! Looking forward to reading more!

    1. Welcome Joanne! I’d be smug about living in Italy – we love it there. Hopefully will be coming your way this fall!

  8. Haha, I love it. It’s so fun seeing what people google. I’ve had a few laugh out loud searches on my own site. Likewise, I’m not terrified of googling anything even remotely embarrasing.

    1. I’m terrified of it now! I’d hate to one day find myself on someone’s “top google searches” list! 🙂

  9. haha, love this post. Its so funny sometimes to see what people search for. That people search for naked show shoveling is new to me 🙂

  10. LOL, you’re hilarious, I also have some gems for Google searches that brought people to my blog, the previous one though Travel Calling, such as “How women look for sex in Dubai” and “Are Southern Italians Arabs?” or “Are Southern Italians black?” 😛

  11. So funny!! You do wonder who are these people searching for stuff? Is it deliberate? An accident? Are they drunk or on drugs?

    Naked snow shovelers huh? What kind of crazy website did I land on here? 🙂

    1. I know right, and they just keep coming. We’ve had some head-shakers lately that we’ll be throwing out in catch-up post soon

  12. Haha some of these are brilliant! The cookie one LOL!

    I’ve had “tight gays”, “catsuit”, and “Busan transvestites” all link to mine…none of which I’ve ever done a blog post about. The guy looking for Busan transvestites even e-mailed me for more information…of which there was none on my site about this subject to begin with…

    1. Yes, we had a good laugh about the cookie. I can’t believe they actually e-mailed you for more information on Busan trannies. Wait, I seem to recall an article, nevermind…. 😉

  13. Google searches completely and totally make my day. I really wonder who searches for some of the completely batshit crazy stuff I see. Insanity!

  14. Random!!! I always wonder what people are thinking when they google something and come to my site, mostly b/c the google searches are so off the wall. Love these searches!

  15. LOL!! That is hilarious. You know, I’ve been thinking about making a similar post on my travel site, since with my main site being “Latinabroad.com” you can just guess how many porn keywords show up on my analytics: Latinabroad with huge ____, hardcore latina broad” …etc etc..!! XD however, yours is more original: Naked snow shovelers!? REALLY? People have some WEIRD fetiches!

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